April 07, 2004

Like Father, Like Son

michael_powell_small.jpg
FCC Chairman Michael Powell
awoke this morning
to find the Invisible Conceptual
Idiot Baton welded
to his forehead
The Invisible Conceptual Idiot Baton Awards Committee (ICIBAC) is proud to announce the completion of its latest covert operation. Last night at approximately 0300 hours, ICIBAC reclaimed the Idiot Baton from America's Chief Diplomat Colin Powell. Shortly thereafter, ICIBAC snuck operatives into the home of FCC Chairman Michael Powell and welded the Idiot Baton to his forehead, where it will remain until a bigger idiot is identified.

"Michael Powell recognizes that his efforts are best expended on this nation's number one threat - that of objectionable content," said an ICIBAC spokesman at a press conference held at ICIBAC's headquarters inside a hollowed-out volcano. "Powell is undeterred in his quest to ensure that none of our citizens will ever have to fear the burning sensation in one's eyes that is most closely associated with viewing images of naked people. Nor will they have to live in fear of atrophy of the brain, which has been linked to instances of listening to Howard Stern talk about lesbian sex on the radio."

Amid throngs of applause, Powell was spotted banging his head repeatedly against the wall in an attempt to dislodge the baton.

"Thank God for Michael Powell," continued the spokesman. "It's rare in this day and age that politicians take a proactive stance to address the average citizen's need to be protected from himself." Posted by THespos at April 7, 2004 10:40 AM | TrackBack

Comments
All comments are property of the individual poster who left them. Everything else, copyright 2005, Tom Hespos

Did you see that the Bush Admin has declared war on porn? Feel safer?

Posted by: Rick Bruner at April 8, 2004 12:58 PM

Erg. You don't have HTML turned on in your comments? Here's the link: http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bal-te.obscenity06apr06,0,3004361.story?coll=bal-home-headlines

Posted by: Rick Bruner at April 8, 2004 12:58 PM

Yeah, Ashcroft's acting like a total weenie. I love this quote:

In a speech in 2002, Ashcroft made it clear that the Justice Department intends to try. He said pornography "invades our homes persistently though the mail, phone, VCR, cable TV and the Internet," and has "strewn its victims from coast to coast."

I dunno what mailing lists Ashcroft is on, but I've never received any porn through the mail. And how, precisely, does porn "invade" our homes via the VCR? I thought you had to go out and actually buy a porno tape for that to happen.

Posted by: Tom Hespos at April 8, 2004 03:15 PM
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