awoke this morning
to find the Invisible Conceptual
Idiot Baton welded
to his forehead
The Invisible Conceptual Idiot Baton Awards Committee (ICIBAC) is proud to announce the completion of its latest covert operation. Last night at approximately 0300 hours, ICIBAC reclaimed the Idiot Baton from America's Chief Diplomat Colin Powell. Shortly thereafter, ICIBAC snuck operatives into the home of FCC Chairman Michael Powell and welded the Idiot Baton to his forehead, where it will remain until a bigger idiot is identified.
"Michael Powell recognizes that his efforts are best expended on this nation's number one threat - that of objectionable content," said an ICIBAC spokesman at a press conference held at ICIBAC's headquarters inside a hollowed-out volcano. "Powell is undeterred in his quest to ensure that none of our citizens will ever have to fear the burning sensation in one's eyes that is most closely associated with viewing images of naked people. Nor will they have to live in fear of atrophy of the brain, which has been linked to instances of listening to Howard Stern talk about lesbian sex on the radio."
Amid throngs of applause, Powell was spotted banging his head repeatedly against the wall in an attempt to dislodge the baton.
"Thank God for Michael Powell," continued the spokesman. "It's rare in this day and age that politicians take a proactive stance to address the average citizen's need to be protected from himself."