The Park Avenue Conundrum

Why is it that cabbies tend to head for Park Avenue whenever a passenger needs to go uptown or downtown in NYC?

This is something I've always wondered. I live on 85th Street near the East River, and anytime I'm west of Park Avenue and need to take a cab home, the cabbie makes a bee-line for Park Avenue.

This totally doesn't make any sense. Park Avenue is a divided street that doesn't have timed lights. First Avenue and Third Avenue have their lights timed so that if you're cruising at 30 MPH and there's no traffic, theoretically you never have to stop. Park has no such lights - they're on timers and you have to stop every so often. Then there's the nonsense associated with going around the MetLife Building. Add to this the fact that lanes get clogged up on Park with other cars trying to make turns, and Park can be a mess.

Just about the only thing I can see that's appealing about Park Avenue is that no commercial vehicles are allowed. That means no trucks, which rocks. But it's still slow as molasses trying to get anywhere on Park.

I decided to ask some cabbies why they like Park Avenue so much. Here's what I got back...

• It's one of the streets that runs relatively uninterrupted from southern Manhattan all the way north.
• No trucks.
• It's nice looking.
• Fewer potholes.
• Lots of cute rich women milling about.
• No bridge traffic.

I call bullshit on all of this. Frankly, I think the cabbies enjoy stopping every three blocks and fighting their way through the traffic so they can collect higher fares. Every time I've told a driver to take First Avenue or Third going north, I get home faster. And since I'm right on the East River, I tell most drivers to take the FDR when I'm heading south.

Like most everything else in NYC, I think it's just a scam.

What to Blog?

I've been meaning to give the Hespos.com site a makeover for a while, and I've always wanted to have a blog right on my home page. But what to post first?

I've been a writer for a very long time - as long as I can remember. I've written some very cool stuff, from investigative news stories to humor columns to creative pieces. I've been praised and I've been screamed at.

One of the first times I was screamed at, I learned a valuable lesson about publishing my words - published words have enormous potential to hurt someone. It's the worst feeling in the world when you publish something that hurts someone, intentionally or not.

So I figured my first blog post ought to be about what I'll be blogging and what I won't be blogging...

What you won't see here:

• People who'd prefer to be anonymous being named - I once tried to publish a humor column in my old newspaper about an old roommate, who I named, making a seemingly innocuous comment about how he seemed to subsist entirely on "Ripped Fuel" powder from GNC. I thought this was innocent enough. He said he would have never spoken to me again if I had published it. So names will be changed on occasion, to protect the not-so-innocent.
• Opinions that are going to get me in trouble - Nothing would please me more than to launch into scathing indictments of just about everything in our American society these days. However, there will be folks watching this space who might be inclined to give my company (or my other company) some business, but might be put off by, say, calls to take up arms against the government or whatnot. So I'll need to keep things (relatively) tame for now.
• Details about my business - So many people in the marketing industry need to be skewered. Just not here. I can't tell you how many assholes have called me or e-mailed me at the slightest provocation in my columns in ClickZ and The Online Spin. These assholes usually have corporate counsel salivating next to them, ready to file frivolous lawsuits at the drop of a hat. I'd rather not attract their attention.
• Celebrations of pop culture - I've read so many weblogs that just don't seem to get this. Truth be told, no one gives a shit about what anyone else thinks about Britney, Sex in the City, or Janet's right boob.

What you will read here:

• The usual crap you've come to expect from weblogs - retarded stories, commentary on the detritus scattered all over the web, rants, raves, links to silly flash movies - the works.

Okay, so now that we've covered what will be covered...