The Last Word on Janet's Boobies

Two groups of people should be ashamed of themselves. MTV is one of them. The American public is the other. Let's start with the American public. An attractive pop star "accidentally" reveals part of her breast on television and three things happen:

1. The holier-than-thous start filing lawsuits, pleading "Won't somebody think of the children?!?!" and generally acting like the image of a partially nude female breast is going to be permanently burned into their retinas.
2. Hundreds of millions of American Internet and TiVo users slobber over Janet's boob like it's the first one they've ever seen.
3. The rest of the world goes "huh?"

You wanna know what the most shameful aspect of all this is? It's the American public's general attitude toward sexuality in general. We've become so puritanical that we feel ashamed and embarrassed at the mere sight of our own naked bodies. We continue to be taught by our parents, and in turn teach our own kids, that nudity is morally repugnant, that sex is dirty and that sexuality is something we all need to be protected from. On its face, doesn't that seem silly to you? It does to the most of the rest of the world.

Maybe if we stopped treating sex like a morally tainted mystery in this country, we wouldn't have as much of a problem with things like teen pregnancy. Maybe we wouldn't have every company with something to sell constantly barraging us with sexual imagery in order to sell their products. Maybe we'll get to the point where we can watch Basic Instinct with our parents and not get all red-faced and embarrassed when Sharon Stone uncrosses her legs.

Speaking of being barraged with sexual imagery, MTV needs to quit treating us all like sex-starved animals (even if we are). And it needs to get its act together. MTV is feeling shame after the Super Bowl debacle, but for all the wrong reasons. Wanna know why MTV should be ashamed?

1. MTV treats us like means to an end. Sex sells, so MTV piles it on to the point of forgetting what the hell the content was supposed to be about in the first place. When was the last time you saw a music video on MTV?
2. For MTV, it's all about publicity stunts and not about compelling content. It pats itself on the back when America goes apeshit over Britney and Madonna making out, or when America goes bonkers over Diana Ross fondling Lil' Kim. It's sad that MTV has to pull off stunts instead of delivering consistently good content.

Maybe we'll get past all of this unimportant crap when Americans learn to be honest with themselves about their bodies and their sexuality. Know of any other inhabitants of the wild kingdom that are embarrassed and ashamed of their own reproductive processes? It's amazing we've come so far as a species.

Where are all the goodies?

If you're coming here for the first time since I uploaded Movable Type, you might be wondering where the hell everything is: Pictures from the Yankee game, DigiTech GSP-2101 patches, my resume, the old guestbook and whatnot. I killed that stuff to make room for the Movable Type installation. It's coming back, but I have to find some time to work on the site templates, integrate my old static pages and all that nonsense. Check back in a few days. It'll be here.

Aren't you proud of me?

I installed Movable Type all by myself, with no help from grownups. Now, go in that bag and get me my wallet. It's the one that says "Bad Motherfucker" on it. ;-)

What to Blog?

I've been meaning to give the Hespos.com site a makeover for a while, and I've always wanted to have a blog right on my home page. But what to post first?

I've been a writer for a very long time - as long as I can remember. I've written some very cool stuff, from investigative news stories to humor columns to creative pieces. I've been praised and I've been screamed at.

One of the first times I was screamed at, I learned a valuable lesson about publishing my words - published words have enormous potential to hurt someone. It's the worst feeling in the world when you publish something that hurts someone, intentionally or not.

So I figured my first blog post ought to be about what I'll be blogging and what I won't be blogging...

What you won't see here:

• People who'd prefer to be anonymous being named - I once tried to publish a humor column in my old newspaper about an old roommate, who I named, making a seemingly innocuous comment about how he seemed to subsist entirely on "Ripped Fuel" powder from GNC. I thought this was innocent enough. He said he would have never spoken to me again if I had published it. So names will be changed on occasion, to protect the not-so-innocent.
• Opinions that are going to get me in trouble - Nothing would please me more than to launch into scathing indictments of just about everything in our American society these days. However, there will be folks watching this space who might be inclined to give my company (or my other company) some business, but might be put off by, say, calls to take up arms against the government or whatnot. So I'll need to keep things (relatively) tame for now.
• Details about my business - So many people in the marketing industry need to be skewered. Just not here. I can't tell you how many assholes have called me or e-mailed me at the slightest provocation in my columns in ClickZ and The Online Spin. These assholes usually have corporate counsel salivating next to them, ready to file frivolous lawsuits at the drop of a hat. I'd rather not attract their attention.
• Celebrations of pop culture - I've read so many weblogs that just don't seem to get this. Truth be told, no one gives a shit about what anyone else thinks about Britney, Sex in the City, or Janet's right boob.

What you will read here:

• The usual crap you've come to expect from weblogs - retarded stories, commentary on the detritus scattered all over the web, rants, raves, links to silly flash movies - the works.

Okay, so now that we've covered what will be covered...