Death May Come on Swift Wings


This is my lovely sister Kimberly, pictured here at her wedding rehearsal dinner. Normally, Kim and I get along quite well. However, that was before the aquarium incident. I don't want to get into details. Let's just say that Kim's design project, on which she's been diligently working for weeks, was on a table in the basement one floor below my aquarium, which decided recently to spring a leak.

Since the aquarium incident, I get the distinct feeling I'm living on borrowed time. And no, it's not feasible to hide all the sharp objects in the kitchen. I need to do something nice for Kim and I'll take suggestions in the comments field. (Eric has suggested a nice, expensive architecture design book as a present.)

In the meantime, Kim's understandably upset. I'd appreciate the help of any readers who want to help me out here. Please send something like the following to

Dear Kim:

Tom didn't mean it. It was an accident. This sort of thing happens to fish tanks all the time. Please don't kill him in his sleep. Maybe if you let him live, he'll find a way to make it up to you.

[Faithful Reader]