Even Abbreviations Are Illegal

A Wisconsin man was arrested and fined for displaying a sign that read "F U G W" as President Bush's motorcade passed through Platteville. The usual "won't somebody think of the children?" nonsense was played up, per usual.

I love living in a country where mere abbreviations of naughty words will land you in the pokey.

Ugh!

This is probably the most misguided "ethnic outreach" site I've ever seen. What is McDonald's thinking? And what were they hoping to say with this website?

Here's what I got out of it...

• Hi, we're McDonald's and we like people of Asian/Pacific Islander heritage.
• Your culture is important to McDonald's, which is why we've included a section of this website that will show you what holidays you should be celebrating, whether you're Cambodian, Laotian or Japanese.
• McDonald's really respects Asian people, which is why we're providing you with external links from our website to articles like "Top Asian American Professionals" and "The 20 Most Inspiring Asian Sports Stars in America."
• We have Asian people working for us! Here are profiles of them.
• Wanna browse meaningless McDonald's trivia? Haven't you always wanted to know what Ronald McDonald's shoe size is?

Perhaps the most profound statement this website makes is its raison d'etre. It's obvious McDonald's looks at Asian-Americans as a media audience against which it needs to beef up its ad presence. Which is why they built this exceptionally lame Asian "culture portal" and why no one will ever spend any significant length of time there.

New Product Idea

So I came up with this cool idea over the weekend. Every time my sister and I go to Target, we notice these cool patio fire pits that they sell for under $100. We were thinking of getting one for our patio out in Wading River and lighting it up for parties and barbecues and such. Which got me thinking...

What if I bought a six foot circle of stainless steel and pounded it into a giant wok? I could stick it over the fire pit and invite a couple dozen people over for a shrimp stir fry. What if I also built a metal stand to keep the wok centered over the fire pit? Maybe with an adjustable height thingy to keep the wok the appropriate distance from the fire? We could be the Weber of Chinese food.

Sara hates the idea. Then again, she hates all my cool product ideas. Screw it - I'll get Dennis the Welder to make me a prototype out on Long Island. We'll test it out and maybe if it works, we could sell a kit in Target that comes with the giant wok, fire pit stand, and a booklet of giant wok recipes. When consumers aren't using the wok for cooking food, they could fill it with ice and use it to stick beer in.

Then there's the line extension - the giant seafood steamer. I've only got one big steamer left and it's 20 years old at least. I can't find them in any stores anymore and it's a giant pain in the ass when we want to have big clambakes and such. Maybe I could make a big seafood steamer that would fit on the wok stand. We can test them in coastal markets. It would rock.

TV Networks to Make More Money (Again)

Blah, blah, blah. Advertisers don't want to pay rate increases to reach smaller audiences. Blah, blah, blahtee, blah. Fox will do well in the upfront. Blah, blah, blah. So will NBC, even though it's losing "Friends" and "Frasier." Blah, blah, blah. CBS is pretty cool. So are the cable networks. Blah, blah, blahtee, blah. I swear that one day we'll spend more money on alternative media like the Internet. Blah, blah. Just not right now because TV is our cash cow.